


The Whole

by msztee



Category: Clarke Griffin/Lexa - Fandom, The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2019-12-07 21:33:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18240449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msztee/pseuds/msztee
Summary: A work in Progress.This is going to come in short burst but If i don't post as i write, i'll end up never posting itSo here goes. Criticism is welcome. I'll take direction on where you want the story to go and if it make sense, I'll try and make it happen.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi People,
> 
> This was supposed to be a short story but it just keeps expanding.
> 
> I'm writing the sex scene and have the beginning down, Do you think its too much details?   
> I would realy like some feedback, so please Let me know
> 
> Thanks

Time seemed to halt. The silence was over-powering save for her heartbeat which sounded like a horse running on a racetrack. She couldn’t move as she got lost in the sea of blue-green in front of her. Damn! Clarke’s eyes.  
Lexa’s eyes darted to Clarke’s lips for a second and that was a mistake. It had that wry smirk on it and at that moment Lexa knew she wouldn’t fight it, she would give in and Clarke knew it too.

Like a switch had been flipped, time resumed and she could feel the warmth of Clarke’s hand behind her ears where had gone to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, the move closing the distance between them. Clarke’s hand had lingered there for a little too long, a subtle invitation. She inched even closer lowering her head slightly, willing the questions into her eyes as she looked into Clarke’s searching for approval.

They were on the balcony of Lexa’s apartment, the ocean view providing the perfect backdrop for the night. The half-moon’s reflection on the water below with the stars twinkling in companionship. It was perfect but neither of them noticed that. Clarke gave an ever slight nod just as a gentle breeze blew by causing her to blink. Lexa lowered her head, gently pressing their lips together. The moment their lips touched, Lexa felt the shift inside her, something she could not explain.

Her lips were soft, just like she remembered. A spark that started at her lips slowly moved to her chest, muscles expanding threating to explode. Clarke's hand made moved into her hair pulling her deeper as he lips parted inviting her in. She angled her head even further reaching for more depth. Her hand instinctively wrapped around her waist pulling her closer. She slowly slipped her tongue Clarke’s open mouth and as it found hers, she felt gently suck on it. The lower part of her abdomen spasmed as the pressure from her chest moved even lower. Their heads moved Left to right, lips, and tongues colliding, exploring, searching and wanting.

They stopped to catch their breath, foreheads leaning against each other, breathing heavily. Clarke took her hand and led her to the bedroom and Lexa followed silently enjoying the view. A chuckle escaped her lips, Damn! She loved to watch Clarke walk away.

  
“Stop looking at my ass Woman”, Clarke said, a hint of humor in her tone.

Lexa chuckled again. “I can’t help it, you know this. Which is why you did this. I can see those wheels turning in your head.” Lexa Chimed

Clarke turned into Lexa's room, hand still linked to Lexa's. Just before Lexa crossed the threshold, she stopped tugging Clarke gently back.

Without letting go, Clarke turned around, "Lexa?" she said, eyebrows slightly raised.

"Clarke, if I walk into this room, I won't be able to stop what I think we are about to do in there. I want to be sure, sure that you want this. That when this is over, there will be no regret. There has been enough of that. This isn't why I invited you here. I asked you here so i could explain.... to tell you everything." Lexa said. Make no mistake, I want this, I've always wanted this and I'm not running anymore. So, are you sure?"

  
Clarke smiled and answered pulling on Lexa's hand. "100%, Now will you please come here?"

Lexa steps were taken with purpose now, there was no reason to hold back. Without taking her eye off Clarke, she shut the door behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

The first kiss the had shared was barely a kiss.

  
They had been hanging out in Clarke’s dorm room, taking turns playing their favorite songs on YouTube, talking, eating and being silly. There had been lots of teasing, laughing, dancing, singing. It was a fun evening.

Lexa remembered constantly glancing at Clarke’s lips. They were perfect, the way they moved when she spoke, curled into a smile or smirk, how they pulled back to reveal her teeth when she smiled or laughed. Sure enough, her thoughts wandered to what they would taste like and just as fast as it came, she fought hard to banish them.

They were on Clarke's bed, pillows propped behind them in a half-lie, half sitting position. The laptop was between them, reruns of two and a half men playing on the screen.

Lexa's mind barely acknowledged that, her mind was working over time to ignore the fact that her and Clarke's hands had been simultaneously inching closer for the pas few minutes or that Clarke head was tilted in her direction. When she couldn't contain herself anymore, she moved her hand closer and let them touch. Clarke looked up at her, smiled and then slowly intertwined their fingers.

Lexa had woken up sometime in the middle of the night to find Clarke’s face inches from her and every time Clarke breathed out, she felt the warmth of it on her face. Her heart raced and as she moved her head, she must have woken Clarke up too because she moved to, not away but closer. She couldn’t tell you how or when but they were suddenly in a sort of dance, noses grazing each other, lips inches apart, both wanting yet waiting. It was Clarke who finally closed the gap, Lexa could feel her lips, slightly open, softly touch her as she bit down gently on her lower lip and pulled away.

“That is for making me wait”, Clarke teased and propped herself up on the hand looking at Lexa "and that will have to go down as our first kiss". “This is what it should have been”.

Clarke put her hand behind Lexa's head just at the nape of her neck and kissed her.The kiss was everything, it started slow. Two people discovering and exploring each other. Then the pace picked up, Lexa parted her lips and Clarke's tongue dove in, pressing further in Lexa. The past few weeks had seen their relationship slowly turn from friendship to something more, something they were currently exploring. Lexa needing to give more, slowly wrapped her arms around Clarke and flipped their positions so Clarke was on her back to bed and she was on top.

They had spent the whole night that way, kiss after kiss, momentum switching form slow and sensual to fast and needy. heir hands has explored a little but this was their maiden voyage and no-one was in a rush.

Clarke was asleep with her face down on the bed. Her right hand lay just above her head the left in sort of half fist inches away from her mouth. She was naked under the sheets which left very little to the imagination. Her hair was a tussled mess and Lexa acknowledged that she, during their activities last night, had had a part to play in that.

  
As Lexa watched her, she couldn’t help but thinking how beautiful she looked and how peacefully intimate this moment was. The sun was rising, and a streak of orange light had settled on Clarke. She reached for her phone and took a picture. She did not want to forget this moment. Despite what had happened last night between them, the future was still uncertain. They had yet to resolve the past and the looming conversation may just end what hadn’t even had a chance to restart.

She was lost in thought when Clarke spoke without moving. “Hi and why are you all the way over there?", Clarke asked

“Hi, not to trying to be creepy but I was watching you sleep” said Lexa. Lexa gathered the sheets around her and made her way back to the bed gently plopping down on it.

She ran her fingers to Clarke’s hair and asked “How are you?” Clarke turned around and somehow managed to remain covered although the sheerness of the sheet revealed a lot. Lexa could feel the heat swelling between her thighs.

“I’m fine, Lex, How are you and why are you up so early?”, she asked.

  
“Well, I was thinking I could make you breakfast and we could talk?” said Lexa. “I spent the past three days building up the courage to explain everything to you and with each passing minute I’m losing my nerves. I don’t want to leave anything unsaid. If this is the beginning for us or the final end, then I want it all out there. NO more secrets. I can’t live that way anymore.”

“Ok. Can I go take a shower first?” said Clarke.

She got up and the sheets fell revealing everything. She walked around the bed, took Lexa’s hand in hers and pulled her up. They stood face to face both naked, both vulnerable. Clarke placed her hand on Lexa’s cheek, fingers resting at the base of her neck.

She smiled and said “Before I do that, will you please kiss me” asked Clarke.

Lexa shook her head slightly and smiled back. Without breaking eye contact, she put her hands on Clarke’s hips and pulled her closer. "You know, one day, I'm going to become immune to that."

Clarke chuckle lasted for barely a second, cut short by Lexa capturing her lips with hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is an extended-explicit scene that might make its way into this chapter. It will be filler/link between the flashback scene for their first kiss and the morning after scene. I just didn'r want to not get the rest of it out
> 
> I keep tweaking it, because I feel like something is either missing, or too much or almost right but not quite. So do you think the chapter needs it? Let me know.
> 
> Also, i have an idea for what Lexa has to say bit I would love to hear your theories.


	3. Chapter 3

Lexa had just dropped a slice of Bacon on Clarke’s plate when she walked towards the kitchen island. With a smile on her face she said “I knew the smell would lure you out. You were never able to resist”.

Clarke chuckled, “you know me too well”.

She sat on the bar stool as Lexa handed her a plate of Blueberry Pancakes, Eggs and Pancakes. “I thought it better to feed you seeing as you probably worked up an appetite between last night and this morning”, Lexa said.

“And who’s fault is that?” asked Clarke. Her eye brow raised in question. Lexa walked over to Clarke and placed a light kiss on her lips before sitting on the stool beside Clarke.

“If I remember correctly, we are both culpable in that crime” Lexa said with a wink.

Clarke laughed.

That laugh that Lexa had always loved to hear. The smile faded from her face, she turned her head away slightly picked up her coffee cup. She took a sip, swallowing not just the drink but the huge ball of anxiety that had made home in her throat.

She glanced over at Clarke and took a deep breath and asked, “Clarke do you remember how we met?”

Clarke stopped mid chew, turning her head to meet Lexa's eyes and answered, “Of Course I do.”

 

 

Lexa had been stuck in her apartment for three days straight, 85% of that time spent with her hacking away at her computer keyboard, simulation after simulation failing. She was hungry, her neck and back hurt from all that sitting, and her wrists felt like she had carpal tunnel. She had to take a break.

Killing two birds with one stone, she decided a trip to the diner might just do the trick. Luckily, her favorite Seat, corner and by the window, was available. She made her way there, rotating her wrist at the same time. Lexa sat down and mused over the menu. Her mind was already made up on the burger, fries and strawberry-banana milk shake, but she wondered if anything had changed.

Then she heard someone laugh and there was something about the laugh. It was deep and loud and that would normally make Lexa cringe. Not this time though, this time she was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. The sound forced her to turn her head, eyes searching for the source.

Luckily, her favorite seat was parallel to the kitchen door. A waiter stepped out of the kitchen, order in hand, pushing the door as far as it would go. That was when she caught a glimpse of her. The blonde's head was thrown back in laughter, eyes slightly closed, curls bouncing in sync with her head. Time seemed to slow down, aided by the door swinging back and forth, the scene playing out like a flip book animation.

Lexa watched her pick up the two plates, one in each hand, and make her way toward the door just as it stopped. The doors re-opened a few seconds later as the blonde stepped out back first. She expertly turned around side stepping the closing door. For the first time Lexa caught a full glimpse of her face, her brain processing and storing the images. She was so beautiful.

Barely blinking, Lexa followed her around the room with her eyes. Watched as she delivered the plates to the waiting customers, stopping to chat with them and give them a little smile. She felt a hint of jealousy, wishing that smile was for her. She put her thumb in her mouth, biting down on the nail. It was a habit she was yet to break, aggravated by anxiety. She knew she had to talk to her.  Lexa signaled to the waiter that she was ready to order.

She ordered her the Quarter pounder burger with Bacon and Extra Cheese, fries and a Strawberry Banana Shake. While she waited for her food, she pulled out her phone and opened the ALIE app. ALIE was a piece of code that she had designed which basically acted as a master key that silently wormed its way into any network, grab data while erasing it's own footprints. This was only in it BETA stages and was aimed at being her final project at Arkadia.

Accessing the diner's network was easy, she navigated to the Staff data files and searched for Clarke. She had spotted the blonde's name tag earlier. All she needed was her phone number.

Bingo!. She copied the number and had the app backtrack and erase it's foot prints. She saved the number in her contacts. Her food came and while she ate, she watched her some more, trying to imagine what she was thinking about. Her eyes eventually caught Clarke's and she offered her a brief smile before wheezing past her to attend to a table. When she was done, she signaled for the bill, paid and got up. The lunch rush had slowed down and Clarke was cleaning a table just by the door. She mustered all the courage she could, walked up to her and said,

 

"Hi, my name is Lexa", a small smile on her face. Her heart was racing and she shoved her hands into her hoodie, clenching them into a fist. Clarke looked up slowly, smiled back and said

"Hi, I'm Clarke".

"I know, your name tag sort of gave you away", Lexa chimed back. Clarke chuckled and something in Lexa was grateful for that.

"is it ok if a text you sometime?" , asked Lexa

"How are you going to do that when you don't even have my number?" Clarke asked, placing her left hand on her hips.

"Clarke, your killing my move here. I was going to feed you a line of how awesome I am and how I can accurately guess your number and how impressed you would be when I actually did pull it off. But now i realize that that comes off more  stalkery than cute" Lexa said playfully.

Clarke laughed and Lexa joined in.

"If you did pull it off, that would be something", said Clarke.

Lexa pulled out her phone and sent Clarke a message. Clarke phone buzzed and she eyed Lexa suspiciosly, while pulling it out of her pocket.

"BAZINGA", read Clarke, looking straight into Lexa's eyes, wry smile playing at her lips.

How?, she asked

Lexa chuckled. If i told you now, what would we talk about when we hang out?

"Hang out huh? You're mighty confident about that", said Clarke.

"Yup. The thing is, now you're curious and the only way to satisfy that, is for me to tell you but I'll only do that if you let me get to know you a little better and that will only happen if..?" Lexa trailed off, her hang gesturing to Clarke to finish the sentence.

Clarke rolled her eyes and said "..if we hang out."

Lexa chuckled. "So are we agreed?" Stretching her hand out for a handshake.

The moment seemed to go on forever for Lexa. Behind her facade of confidence, her heart was racing and beads of sweat were rolling down her back, other threatening to make it past her hair line. Clarke just stared straight at her with a straight face for what seemed like forever before slowly placing her hand in Lexa's .

"Fine", She said , feigning indignation. "But, I get to pick when and where. Also, you're going to wait until you get a text from me confirming both. It's my way of taking some of the power back, since you bullied me into accepting".

_"Touché"_ quipped Lexa, gripping her hand a little tighter and pulling her forward ever so lightly. She leaned in, eyes never leaving Clarke's. "I'll wait, but bear in mind, I  know where you work." Lexa said in her most menacing tone. 

She and Clarke shared a brief laugh, they said their goodbyes and she walked out the door, wiping the sweat from her forehaed.

Clarke texted her that night and they made plans to meet at the water fountain on Saturday.  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't quite created the link/bridge to this chapter. I know what it is but the word fail me, sort of  
> Let's consider the a flash-back/Flashforward type thing? Its an 
> 
> But inspiration for this hit me and i just had to write
> 
> Life After You- Daugtry  
> Hole in my Heart - Gavin James  
> Rascall Flatts - Come wake me up

 

Lexa’s eyes fluttered opened to the sound of Clarke’s laugh. As if on instinct, they immediately sort out the source as did her hands feeling out the space beside her and finding it empty. She felt panic for a split second and propped herself up on her hand before they finally settled on her figure by the window.Clarke had her phone held up to right ear and her head moved ever so slightly as she conversed in low whispers. This made Lexa smile, because she knew she was trying not to wake her up.

The scene before her made for a perfect picture. The sun was up, and its rays streamed into the room. The silhouette of Clarke’s naked body was engulfed by the light, creating aura around her. Her wild curls fell perfectly in place like a crown on her head. As Lexa she watched her, she realized just how lucky was and how she would always love Clarke.

She grabbed her phone and took a quick picture with a need to immortalize the moment. As the click of the camera went off, Clark turned to face her startled. While still talking, she walked over, sat on the bed and placed a light kiss on Lexa’s lips. She pulled back, smiled and mouthed “Good Morning.” Lexa smiled took Clarke's hand in hers and fell back on the bed. She closed her eyes as her mind wandered through each scene from the night before.

 

They driven out on Friday evening, it was a two-hour drive and they made it just before 9 p.m. The drive had been relatively quiet, shadowed by the anticipation they both felt.They had filled the silence with music, singing along sometimes and talking about the song or artist or whatever random topic they could come up with.

When they arrived, Lexa grabbed both travel bags while Clarke grabbed the bag of groceries they had brought along.

“You know you don’t have to go all macho on me, right?” Clarke said playfully.

“Oh, this wasn’t me being macho”, Lexa replied and hint of mischief in her eyes. “No darling, this is me buttering you up”. She leaned in and placed a light kiss on space just beside her lips then she looked deep into her eyes and said, “Follow me m’lady”.

Lexa made her way into the bedroom and dropped off their bags in the closet. It wasn’t a large room and it felt even smaller with the king size bed. Octavia had told her of how he had decided on the bed because when her parents were at the cabin, they spent most of their time in it anyway.

Lexa lowered herself let herself fall back. She stared at the ceiling allowing her mind wander to how she hoped the weekend would play out. Although her and Clarke been sort of together for four months now and had made out a lot, they had never had sex. The time was either not right or they were interrupted, or someone held back. So, when the talk of getting away had come up, they had both jumped at the idea. Now that they were here, Lexa could feel the nervousness settling again.

She could hear Clarke rummaging through the kitchen, putting the groceries away. She took a deep breath, got up an made her way to the kitchen. She stopped at the door and watched Clarke put things away. It had become one of her favourite things to do, even when there were surrounded by a million people, she was always aware of where Clarke was in the room, the need to catch a glimpse of her every few minutes was overwhelming.

Normally, she always waited for Clarke to reach out for her or lean in for a kiss, but tonight things were different. With the growing anticipation throughout the day, her body was consumed by the need to have her in her arm. She walked towards her, making an extra effort to make the footsteps louder.

Clarke turned around and smiled.

“Hey, so I’m done in here, do you want anything to eat or drink?” asked Clarke.

“No, I want something but its not food” said Lexa as she smiled back and placed her hands-on Clarke’s hips and closed the gap between them.

“Hmmm, someone’s bold tonight” said Clarke

“Hmm, someone really is” replied Lexa as she lowered her head and captured lips with hers. Like always kissing her always felt like she was being emptied and refilled at the same time. Clarke had a way of unifying her heart, body and soul and tonight she wanted her to know exactly how she felt so she took everything and put it in the kiss.

She heard Clarke groan as wrap her hands around her neck. She took that as a sign and deepened the kiss, her tongue gently nudging at Clarke’s lips until she opened them letting her in. She could feel it all over, every part of was aware of the blonde in her arms.

She pushed closer into her, causing Clarke to move backwards until her back was against a wall giving them the support they needed. She didn’t remember how they got undressed but when they finally came up for air, they were both in their underwear.

“We need a bed, NOW”, said Clarke.

“I agree”, replied Lexa. “and I know exactly where to find one”. She took Clarke’s hand and led her to the room.

 

This moment wasn’t like any they had shared before. As she kissed Clarke now and as her hands began to inch higher on her body, Lexa realized that all this time she had been holding back. It felt like she had opened a flood gate and everything she had ever felt came rushing right out of her, emptying her but at the same time filling her. Every part of her that Clarke’s hand touched felt like it has been set on fire. Somehow, her heart, her body and heart were united in this moment and she wanted Clarke to understand what she was doing to her right now.

She didn’t yet have the words for it, so she took everything and tried to translate it into actions. She gently guided Clarke to the bed and stopped just as they reached it. She ended the kiss for a moment and rested her head against hers. All she could here was the sound of their heavy breathing.

She raised her head and looked in to Clarke’s eyes.

“Are you sure?” She asked.

She never responded but Instead she kissed her. That was all the permission she needed. They were no half measures now, nothing stopping or interrupting them. She reached behind Clarke and unclasped her bra. Her breasts were way more perfect than she had pictured them and for a split second she wondered if she would measure up. She didn’t have to wonder for long, because Clarke removed Lexa’s bra too.

The stood still, taking each other in. Clarke was the first to react. She bit her bottom lip seductively and traced her fingers from the Lexa left shoulder blade down to her left nipple. She circled it slowly, before rubbing it between her fingers. Lexa could have sworn that she felt a spark or at least something that ignited a fire that spread from her nipple to the very pit of her stomach.

Clarke looked her dead in the eyes.

“You know, right now, your eyes are way greener than I remember. I’m hoping I have something to do with that” said Clarke as she placed her hand at the nape of Lexa’s neck.

Lexa swallowed trying to calm herself. She couldn't answer so instead she lowered her lips to Clarke's as they fell back on the bed.

Lexa tongue darted in between my Clarke’s lips and was met with the smoothness and softness of her tongue. She could feel her warm breath, her hands pulling her in and her legs curling around her waist but somwhow, Lexa still needed to be closer to her. Their breasts pushed against one another as their breathing got harder and faster.

She removed her mouth from Clarke’s and traced kissed down the outline of her face drifting towards her neck. Clarke turned to give her better access and as she nibbled, she felt the moan in her throat before the sound escaped her lips, it made her smile a little. She continued her downward journey with soft kisses, licks and gentle puffs of air.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

There was a gently knock and the door. Lexa looked at Anya, she knew what she needed to do but nothing, absolutely nothing had prepared her for it.

She walked to the door,  put her hand on the handle, closed her eyes and took a deep breath in an attempt to control her emotions and steady herself. She knew who exactly who was at the other side of the door.

Anya had woken her up really early. She had been with Raven last night and during their conversation, she had let it slip that Clarke planned to tell Lexa she was in love with her when she came over tomorrow.

Clarke and Lexa had been at a retreat last weekend. It was perfect. They has skipped most of the activities, choosing to spending most of it in Isolation in their room. The had talked extensively and when they weren't talking, they were busy christening every piece of furniture and square inch of the floor they could cover. Once the weekend was over, Clarke headed out to Seattle to see her mum.3

 

 ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Have you ever heard a heart break? The movies would have you believe it sounds like a mini-explosion followed by the sounds of shattering glass but in reality, it nothing like that. When a heart breaks the sound is an overpowering deafening silence. 

In that moment, in that one second, everything stops. Not physically because everything around you keeps moving. Even you’re the muscles of your heart keep expanding and contracting, keeping the blood in your body circulating, the your lungs keep working, Oxygen in, Carbon dioxide out.

Every nerve in you body goes into defense mode, every muscle stiffens, waiting for the inexplicable pain. The pain begins in your chest, like a little jolt of electricity. Then it spreads out outwardly, like an octopus stretching out its tentacles. Cell by Cell, part by part until it is the only thing you feel. The only reality you know. And just like a picture, forever frozen in time, you stay frozen in that moment, re-living it over and over again.

When love breaks you, that is what it feels like and that was what Lexa would carry with her for the next couple of years.

 

"I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way about you. For me it was just sex", said Lexa.

As soon as the words left her lips, Lexa wished she could take them back. She watched the smile fade from Clarke's face, flashes of emotions replacing it. From confusion, to hurting, to pain.

She wanted to wrap her hand around her and hold her forever, whisper in her ear that it was going to be alright and that she has loved her every day since she first saw her. But if she did that, she would not be able to walk away. So, instead she dug her nails into her palms, steadied her voice, picked a spot on the floor and stared at it while she kept mumbling words she didn't believe.

.

"You're pretty cool and I have really enjoyed the time we've had together but i can't give you what you want", she said trying to sound convincing.

Clarke had started to cry now, silent, slow tears falling from her eye. She was staring into her eyes now and she could the see the question in them. But she remained quite and stared back trying to keep her emotions from showing. Clarke took a step forward, and like she had done a million times before, reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Lexa's ear. Her had lingered at the nape of her neck, she inched closer and Lexa could feel her hot breath on the side of her face as she gently touched her lips to her cheeks.

"Goodbye, Lexa", Clarke whispered.

She turned around, wiped the tears from her face and walked down the hall and down the stairs.Lexa stood rooted to the spot, staring after her. She slowly raised her hand to the spot where Clarke had kissed her and finally let the tears fall.

Anya came up behind her and slowly wrapped her hands around her, gently pulling her into the apartment. She guided her to to the sofa, gently lowering her into it. Anya knelt in front and hugged her.

"I'm so sorry Lexa. I know how hard that was for you but it's for the best", she said.

Lexa did not respond, she cried herself to sleep, her dreams haunted by Clarke's face. She woke up sometime at 3 in the morning. Anya was gone and she was on the covered by a blanket. She sat up and looked around the apartment. There were cardboard boxes everywhere, all packed up and labelled headed to storage. It was ironical that her whole life all fit in these boxes.

"This is it", she thought. She got up, had an extremely long shower, got dressed and sat on the floor in front of the window and watched the sun rise. By the time Anya walked in, she was drained and was only crying every other time now.

Anya, pulled her off the floor and hugged her.

"Are you ready?", Anya asked

Lexa shook her head unable to speak. She stepped out the embrace, grabbed her bag and carry on.

"I'm sorry, i'm leaving you to tidy this place up and put everything in storage" Lexa finally said. She thought about all the times Anya had been  there for here, times they had spent together and how much she was going to miss her. She wasn't just her sister, she was her best friend. She had known she loved Clarke before she had even figured out. Not been able to talk to her everyday, would hurt.

"Don't worry about it, OK? You have way more than a messy apartment to worry about. Do you have everything you need?", Anya said.

"Yes. Let's get going", said Lexa. She gave the apartment one last look as she walked out of it for the last time.

 

"Anya, when it's all done, do you think Clarke and I will ever find our way back to each other? She's the one Anya. I don't know how to do life without her. Did I push us beyond the point of  repair? Like once I'm in the clear, can I go find her and try to fix this?" asked Lexa.

The drive had been quiet so far with both Lexa and Anya lost in thought. Anya glanced at Lexa who had her head resting against the window, he hand wrapped around herself. She was staring into the distance. She looked so small beside her. Life had never been kind to them but Lexa had never let it beat her down. But, somehow, in this moment, it seemed like every punch had hit her straight in the gut.

"I don't know Lexa. What I do know is Clarke loves you and you love her. Love like that doesn't just go away. You have to hold on to it, have faith in it and in Clarke. you're gonna need it to get through this. When it's over and you are ready, go find her."

"What if she is over me and is with someone else?" asked Lexa.

"Then you have to love her even harder by letting her go", said Anya

Lexa whispered an almost inaudible OK as the silent tears rolled down her cheeks. She remained silent for the rest of the drive.


End file.
